Dealing with Negative Emotions

Schools teach us history, science, mathematics, geography, computers, arts, business – you name the subject. They also teach us creative arts, sports or any other extra curricular activity you can imagine. Many schools also teach moral code of conduct, leadership, communications and the softer skills required to succeed in life.

But how many schools teach the most fundamental life skill that is at the core of who we become as adults and how we fare through our lives? How many schools actually teach students to understand and be in touch with their emotions?

How many families actually have an open conversation about emotions? We teach our kids culture, religion, hobbies, and the myriad of subjects mentioned before. But how many parents teach their kids how to be aware of and recognize their emotions and more importantly, how to process or deal with them?

Emotions – specifically negative ones – are a big taboo in our society. It is an uncomfortable space we don’t like to be in. Because we don’t know how to handle them. Because we don’t know how to react to them. You’re weak (and too sensitive to handle the real world) if you exhibit negative emotions. You’re broken if you get angry, sad, depressed, withdrawn. Why don’t you go get a handle on yourself? Why don’t you just get over it and do something useful or productive?

As a result, people can end up turning to self destructive coping strategies when they experience negative emotions. Distract themselves. Try to suppress and forget the negative emotions. Keep themselves so busy that they don’t have time to think or feel. Get their mind off it. Watch TV until they are tired. Get out and socialize more or in some cases withdraw from social circles. Drown themselves with work. Start drinking to numb themselves temporarily. Start smoking. Turn towards food to feeling better. Perhaps in the extreme even resort to drugs And the list goes on...

The above is not to say that there aren’t positive coping strategies. There absolutely are and many people increasingly access those: confiding in friends or loved ones, working out, turning to prayers or spirituality, travel, nature, yoga, meditation and other forms of healing and self-care. All of these can be very effective coping strategies in dealing with the negative emotions and offering a release. However, the point I’m trying to make is, that unless we bring intentional awareness to the negative emotion, accept and process it, it can continue to be a part of our existence, no matter what our short term fixes might be.

Everyone is different and depending on the severity of the negative experience and the circumstances as well as the coping strategies we lean towards, the response varies from person to person. With time, we may even successfully forget the negative emotions until something else happens that triggers them again. And then the unresolved emotions continue to perpetuate and accumulate inside us.

Those emotions will find their way out eventually... in one way or another. Ever wondered why you’re lashing out or over-reacting to certain situations? Ever wondered if you’re angry, sad, frustrated, tired, stressed all the time? Ever have unexplained aches and pains in your body? Ever have digestive issues or unexplained migraines or know of stress induced auto immune conditions? “Stress” here being the generic reference to our physiological reaction to negative emotions.

Sometimes, you may not even understand the impact of negative emotions on your health and well-being until it’s too late. Suddenly, you’ll find illnesses manifesting in your body, which certainly are influenced by lifestyle and genetic factors, but most certainly exacerbated by all the emotional baggage that has been accumulating in our bodies. Focusing on the positive events in life and the positive emotions that emanate from them is essential and a crucial driver of happiness and fulfillment in life. However, running away from or suppressing and ignoring the negative emotions is almost a call for disaster ahead in life.

So, what are you doing to process and deal with your negative emotions?

When was the last time you allowed yourself to cry and release some of that baggage you might be carrying?

When was the last time you allowed yourself and others around you to be human?